Waterproof Mascara

I ran out of mascara about a week ago. As I was at Smith's, perusing my options, I saw the little blue tube of the brand I used last time. I was pretty happy with it, so I didn't look too closely, just grabbed it and left. When I got home, to my utter horror, I discovered that it was WATERPROOF mascara....DUH DUH DUH!!!! They need to advertise these things better. The only difference between my old non-waterproof kind and this fiend was that there is a small band of black around the waterproof kind, whereas there is a small band of silver around the normal kind. They should have bright yellow warning stickers, flashing red neon lights, and possibly a recording of a man with a deep voice saying, "KEEP AWAY!"
Waterproof mascara is the bane of my existence. I believe they put actual tar in the little tube. I understand that as it is waterproof, water alone will not remove the goo. But shouldn't water and a whole lot of soap do some damage? I will tell you, it does not. Even my eye make-up remover that is neither water, nor soap, but some sort of oil conglomeration does not do the job. The one way to fully remove the stuff is to scrape it off each individual lash with your fingernail. And more often than not, the lash off along with the mascara. I feel that this cannot possibly be good for my eyes.
As I was standing in front of the mirror last night, trying increasingly desperate methods to free my eyelashes from this mess, I pondered what good waterproof mascara could possibly have. I know for a fact that it doesn't help you when you're swimming. True, it doesn't all wash off like other mascara, rather it slightly fades into two nice dark circles under your eyes. But instead of washing that dark circle off easily once you know it's there, you have to pull a scouring pad out of your bathing suit and scrub with Dial soap until it's gone.
I've tried living with this waterproof business for a week, but I can't take it anymore! As cheap as I am, I would rather buy a new non-waterproof mascara for a couple bucks than become eyelash bald.